Regina Pulido
Mrs. Boreson
Expository Writing, P-4
Winter Narrative
1/13/09
Mrs. Boreson
Expository Writing, P-4
Winter Narrative
1/13/09
Christmas Eve, Yeah!
My winter break was awesome for one reason and that reason is because I got to spend time with my family. Every Christmas Eve my mom’s side of the family either goes to my Aunt Tina’s or my grandmas to open presents and this year we went to my Aunt Tina’s. We usually go to my Aunt Tina’s because it’s a lot roomy when the family opens presents. I really enjoy these times because the Aunts and Uncles and even the Cousins laugh at old memories and laugh at recent memories. My favorite part about Christmas Eve is eating because i love eating food and because of the different variety of food each family member brings. There is always a new type of food that my family brings each year for Christmas Eve and I pretty much like it all. My family loves having a good time and they love to crack jokes. The thing I like is my Aunts and Uncles will find some little reason to crack a joke about a cousin of mine and the cousins will even crack jokes about the Aunts and Uncles and everyone acts humorous about it and that’s one of the things I love about my family the most. One of the other things I loved about Christmas Eve this year, is I have a Nephew Damien who was born January 21, 2008 and I enjoyed watching him have a good time with his first Christmas and everyone seemed to be admired by him because he’s such a happy kid and I even loved helping him open his presents, and I also enjoyed watching him play with his new toys. I will teach my Nephew how to play with his toys because everything is still new to him and I will always help him any time he needs me no matter what. My Nephew brings me more excitement every time i see him because he's such a funny kid and I love him more than anything or anyone. Although this Christmas Eve wasn’t the most exciting to me than other Christmas’s, I have to say it will be the most memorable because of it being my Nephews first Christmas and watching him enjoy it and the rest of my family’s enjoyment.
Your writing style is missing transitions and punctuation to help the flow of th piece. You should edit your piece by reading aloud to make sure that it sounds like you would like it to. I would also like your to focus on word choice to keep your reader interested in your topic.
ReplyDeleteAudience and Purpose: 2.8
Format: 4
Total: 39/50 78%
Your story was really interesting but it needed to be edited. I enjoyed the theme of your piece and I can tell you really love your nephew. Also it wasn't very organized, but good job.
ReplyDeleteI related to your experience because I too really enjoy seeing little babies on Christmas, like you enjoyed seeing your nephew. I noticed that your paper did not flow very well. You tend to repeat certain words over and over, like Aunts and Cousins. Maybe you could think of a variety of other words to use to keep the paper more interesting. Your paper also had some spelling and grammar errors, so try to focus more on your editing. For the most part though, I enjoyed reading about your Christmas experience.
ReplyDeleteI related to this narrative because I also spent time with my family just like you. Like you saw your nephew I saw my brothers and sisters that live with my bad.My paper is like yours becuase both of ours had grammer and spelling erros. Overall I enjoyed reading your narrative
ReplyDelete